Trauma is more common than you may think, and it happens when we have had to survive experiences that we weren’t ready for.

Many of us don’t realize that we’re suffering from trauma, especially when we tell ourselves that our experiences “aren’t as bad” as other people’s, or when our trauma doesn’t look like what we have seen in movies.

Trauma may have started in childhood when we felt unsafe or when things felt unpredictable, or when we, as children, had to take on parental roles and responsibilities that we weren’t ready for.

Some of us develop trauma after experiencing abuse or assault. In fact, women will often minimize these experiences because our culture makes these types of things seem normal. As though it’s a rite-of-passage, and women should get past it if we want to see ourselves as strong.

Trauma develops following experiences where we felt emotionally unprepared and helpless. When this happens, over time, we can feel really negative feelings about ourself and these feelings start to seem normal and lead to other issues, like depression and anxiety.

For many, the idea of life without anxiety and depression is unimaginable. It’s as if these negative feelings are useful and motivate us to get through each day.

Unresolved trauma keeps us from moving forward and succeeding in ways that we want to. This is the way trauma affects us, but it doesn’t have to.  If you come to see me I can help you learn tools to identify, process, and work through your trauma. I offer you a safe, trusting and therapeutic environment.

Call me. I have the tools, so let’s talk and figure it out.

Menopause - “You’re So Grown Up!”

It’s no secret that bodies develop and change over a lifetime. Babies get bigger, grow up, learn to walk, and begin exploring the world. As parents, we encourage our child’s questions because we want them to grow and explore, and we want them to feel supported while they do it. We ask them, “What do you think this is?” or “How does this feel?” When our children are worried or scared we give them explanations/answers, telling them things to help them understand more about what’s normal, and what they can expect from life. 

Parents are also eager to brag or share about a child’s new stage of development and celebrate these stages as victories and give praise like, “Yay! Look at you!” and say, “You’re so grown-up!” 

We also know that adolescence is a normal part of growing up, considering it a type of new beginning; sexuality and adulthood brings new responsibilities. The changes may be scary for both the child and the parent(s) but, ideally, we talk about it and answer their questions.

Likely, we aren’t bragging to our friends about these new changes but we’ll often share our worries and commiserate with each other, something like, “Wow, you won’t believe what happened!”. Still, we talk about the changes.

When a woman’s body transitions into menopause it’s not so much a time of bragging. “Hey girl, my vagina is soooo dry!” or “I haven’t wanted sex in forever… and I miss it.” or “I haven’t had sex in forever… and I don’t miss it.”.

Menopause isn’t the time of life that we share with our kids either, so that they might know better what to expect. Yet, menopause is a stage of life that every woman who is born with a uterus and fallopian tubes goes through, yet most often it’s not something we talk about. Likely, we don’t have the experience to know how to talk about it because our mother’s and grandmother’s probably didn’t talk about it with us.

When we don’t talk about major changes in our life we feel alone with them and are more likely to worry that no one else feels the way we do.

So, reach out and let’s talk about it. Maybe we can even celebrate some parts! 

Parenting is one of the most difficult challenges we’ll ever take on, and most of us don’t have a plan when we begin it.

There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, but often that’s what we're trying to be. We may not have said “I want to be perfect,” but we wonder where we went wrong, questioning and re-thinking how we could have made the “right” choice, even though perfect decisions are seldom obvious, or even possible. 

We want to give our children everything we wish we could have had—whether it’s things to buy, educational or professional opportunities, or relationships. This is normal and expected, but often these are what we wanted for ourselves, and our world was different from our children’s. We know that everyone in the world is different from one another, so why are we raising our children as if they were a mini version of ourselves?

We need to keep our children safe as they explore their own individuality, and we need to guide and teach them to seek and achieve their own goals.  We also need to teach them a consistent set of values to use when they navigate the world, such as the ability to give all people the respect they deserve, and the confidence to demand that respect in return.  When we have strong values to live our lives by, we have tools to cope with difficult people or situations in the world, allowing us to grow into the people that we choose to be. A common problem with parenting, though, is sometimes parents themselves aren’t sure of what these values should be.

The thing is, it’s never too late for us to figure out what our plan and values are. It’s easy to forget this and feel angry or disappointed in ourselves because we falsely imagined the ways we “should” have been and the things we “should” be sure about. Honestly, though, this kind of wisdom is more about the journey, because how we behave from here on out becomes who we will be. 

Heal your own mental health first: this is how we can parent better. If you’re looking for some help in parenting, then you’ve already started your new journey. It’s fantastic that you’re right here, right now, figuring out how to make changes. Let’s do it together. Don't worry, I’ve got your back.